But lately I find,
I am growing a bit wary of these extended social discourses..
I am on a path, to be more honest with myself,
to weigh my words, before I let them out, in front of others..
And, I find it, exhausting, that I am unable to conform to an idea of 'fun',
where another is demeaned or ill spoken off,
more so for reasons that register, no logic with me.
I am guilty of gossip. I have enjoyed it, in the past and bonded over it,
but these last few years,
where I find, that I have truly become an adult in my own right,
I only, regret those moments.
If anything, I deem them churlish now,
I only wish to remember, my own embarrassments from these memories,
in some instances my shame, to deter me,
from ever falling into this facade again..
I say this, as I appreciate, years of growing apart,
have put each one of us, through different trials in life.
I have come to understand that each of us, have had, rather unique paths in life..
driven by our own, changing priorities at different stages of life.
Comparisons that stem from believing one is superior,
or by fancying a state of deprivation, therefore have no place..
When we engage in conversations that revolve around unconfirmed information,
and mannerisms that impose judgements, we add to hatred.
Social gatherings can easily lean on group-ism.
If an opinion is popular, there is both a pressure and an excitement to buy into it.
Knowledge about upsetting rumors about us, hurt us.
But, by engaging in gossip, and adding to this culture,
we only fuel this, vicious cycle of a rhetoric, that may influence our actions,
and that of others..
furthering our hatred, in manners, we may not intend or comprehend.
Now, imagine a bubble, even if it were a small bubble,
where there is, if not an understanding, of another's choices in life,
at least a respect for the attitude of, 'live and let live'.
I am for one, uncomfortable, when I am judged by those,
who have no idea, of how my journey has shaped out..
As I fight my battles and strive to make a better life for me,
I am learning to reciprocate,
the same sense of dignity to, 'preserve and prosper', in others.
As much as I have opinions, I affirm to myself,
that they, largely come from a place of my own narratives in life.
Thus, over the years, I have discerned to act and respond to situations,
in a manner that prioritizes, 'listening to people from their perspectives'.
I find, I am just as conflicted as before,
about the differences in ideals, I see around me..
in my friends, relatives and acquaintances.
But the nature of this new approach, is more peaceful,
one where I am comfortable gathering my own thoughts without any pressure,
while processing what makes them different from others, aimed at awareness,
and without a sense of hatred or an urgency to prevail..
I do want to meet people. And I do want to socialize.
But I wish to do so, in a manner that does not dissipate my own self worth.
I have had a long and tiring journey, to be the woman I am now..
I do want to have memories of celebration and togetherness,
but it is important to do so, going forward,
without the taint, of ever having to behave or talk,
in ways, that affects my integrity or deplete my own progress in life.
