The Love Potion !

A friend of mine once breathed, ‘and now! That is called a MAN!’ I looked around to spot this rather average looking guy, lanky and fair. He returned her stare with a certain resolve and she went, ‘Whoa! Re-fined handsome!’. This friend of mine.. lets say, shez ‘the’ doll of the crowd, very pretty, sheek styled, adorable, funny, smart n a definite guy’s gift! But with soo many guys drooling over, it was strange that she was drawn to someone, quite modest and mundane! Someone who treated her as equal, not some sex goddess! It’s weird... how attraction works. Call it love or pure madness, the moment you’re consciously aware that you fancy someone, your system crashes!

Psychologists say it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone. Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather

• 55% is through body language

• 38% is the tone and speed of their voice

• only 7% is through what they say

Throughout, our lifetime we come across several potential partners, then why is it, that we are drawn to few so intensely? Is falling in love just a clever way of nature to ensure we procreate and sustain our species?

I came across Helen Fisher’s work from Rutgers University. Her Research is so impressive and renowned with actual results that I decided to blog about it and let those who haven’t heard about her already; know the marvels in the making of human love. It is true; love just happens or more cruelly is waiting to happen! With an irresistible cocktail of chemicals, our brain entices us to fall in love. All our efforts, consciously or unconsciously into choosing and pursuing a partner are driven by hormones.

Helen proposes 3 stages to Love- Lust, Attraction and Attachment.

Lust- This first stage of love is driven by sex hormones Testosterone and Oestrogen, in both men and women. Research reveals men find symmetric faced, even skin toned, slim yet curvy women, more attractive. Scientifically this is so, as these women are healthier and their pelvic shapes more conducive to child birth. Women on the other hand are drawn to men with broad frames and deep set voices, as they are indicative of strong musculature thus protection and potent virility. It has also been proven that women are drawn to the sweat smell (olfaction) of those men with a Major histo-compatibility complex (MHC) other than their own. MHCs dictate surface antigens on human cells. The more diverse they are in an individual, the more the potential of that individual to counteract infection and diseases by producing a varied range of antibodies. So, a child who will inherit a wide range of MHC combinations will predictively have a better, healthier life. So, procreating with a person with opposite MHCs ensures you have healthy babies! Love in this sense does follow the ‘opposites attract’ rule! And yes! It also follows, that for every person, there may after all be, that one person, who exudes irresistible attraction owing to complementary MHCs! Trouble is with so many potential suitors, your chances of finding that person remains, although not impossible, but certainly improbable! Sad !!

Attraction- ‘Crazed, can’t think of anything but...’ stage! The second stage of Love has more to do with observing character, obsessively, along with physical attributes. Virtues like generosity, courage and honesty that are difficult to fake unlike physical appearances are more keenly observed in this stage. These character virtues are indicative of good genes, as only a self sustaining person can afford to harbour them. More over, raising a family with someone value-added with these traits is favourable. Three main neurotransmitters are involved at this stage; Adrenaline, Dopamine and Serotonin.

Adrenaline: Ever experienced the excitement of bumping into new love? Exhilarating isn’t it! The mere presence of your flame in your vicinity activates your stress responses. Like you’re magnetically aware of their presence! Even in a crowd, your senses are heightened to their specific moves. Your heart races, mouth goes dry, skin flushes and you begin to sweat. This is due to an increase in blood levels of Adrenaline and Cortisol. Men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature.

Dopamine: This chemical activates that part of the brain associated with ‘desire and reward’. An intense rush of pleasure is triggered. It has the same effect on the brain as taking Cocaine! Couples in love, have surging levels of Dopamine. Increased energy, craving, euphoria, goal oriented behaviour, short term memory hyperactivity, loss of sleep and appetite, focussed attention and exquisite delight in the smallest details of your beau are all effects of Dopamine. Researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to monitor people's brain when they looked at a photograph of their lover. The scans showed increased blood flow in areas of the brain with high concentrations of receptors for Dopamine. High levels of Dopamine are also associated with high levels of Norepinephrine, which has similar effects. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else.
 

Seratonin- Keeps your lover popping in your thoughts, day in and day out. Literally! People in Love have lower levels of Serotonin that helps in surpassing the neural networks associated with the way we assess others. It is similar to obsessive-compulsive disorders. This results in intense focus and idealizing views about your partner. And it follows, that love is blind after all! Newly smitten lovers often idealise their partner, magnifying their virtues and explaining away their flaws. It’s very common to think they have a relationship that's closer and more special than anyone else's. It makes us want to stay together to enter the next stage of love – Attachment.

Attachment- The third stage of Love is a bond that keeps couples together, long enough to have and raise children. True passionate love; Attachment, scores clearly over lustful attraction. People do crazy sometimes harmful things if rejected in love. Scientists have identified the role of two major hormones involved in establishing Attachment: Oxytocin and Vasopressin.

Oxytocin- The cuddle hormone- It’s released by both men and women during orgasm. It probably deepens the feelings of Attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes. It’s the same hormone released during childbirth that both triggers a mother’s breast milk to release and cements a strong bond between mother and child, avoiding rejection of the baby after birth.
  

Vasopressin- also plays a vital role in long term commitment and is released after sex. It’s also called the anti-diuretic hormone and works on kidney to control thirst. It particularly enables males in building devotion to their partners and protecting them against new suitors.

And thus! Love stands a matter of Chemistry! That drives your Physics and Biology! These deadly concoction of chemicals can drive you nuts, making sure you have no other go, but to yield to them! It’s advisable, not to play around with anyone’s feelings, let alone your own. For if you trigger these hormones, you play with fire! It’s harder to let go and move on, in case of break ups. But until such a time, enjoy the ride!! There is no better pleasure than the feeling of your heart racing up and slowing down, at the same time, for that special someone! Happy being loved!

I earnestly acknowledge http://www.helenfisher.com/ in providing the resourceful information, discussed in this post.